Now, Possums, Xinhua reports that some couples in China are getting married underwater! Can you believe it? I don't know whether this is to cool their ardour until they can get to a hotel or whether they can't stand to see what the other really looks like or what!
I mean it all looks lovely but what about the water running up your nose and into all manner of places and look what it does to your hair and your wedding dress and your good suit. And without breathing gear you have to keep popping up to the surface gasping for breath and snorting and coughing and wiping your eyes! And what about if you're older and your false teeth come adrift and float away? How romantic!
But if you wear breathing gear you can't kiss each other except with extreme difficulty and a loud clashing of mouthpieces and bubbles and the apparatus makes your beloved look like a space monster from a horror movie who you wouldn't want to kiss anyway.
And what if you drop the ring and it sinks down and it can't be found and there's $300 down the drain as well as the damaged clothing and what about when the preacher asks does anyone have any objections and all the guests are too busy drowning to answer. Surely that renders the ceremony Knull and Foid, doesn't it?
No, Dears, call me old-fashioned but give me a Church anytime with organ music and candles and tears. Crying underwater surely would be rather a waste of time. Anyway, if I'm going to have my hair done for sixty bucks there's no way I'm going to let it get wet. Do you think I'm barmy?
Besides, I can't swim! Cheerio. xxxxxxx