Friends, this is my new goldfish. I have named him or her Jesus Yahweh Mahomet Visnu Smythe. The reason I have done this is that, if there is reincarnation or life after death for fish, I want to give my beautiful finned friend the best chance for a successful transition by naming him after certain popular Gods.
Now, in doing this I may have inadvertently offended certain folk (like the English teacher in Sudan). This was not my intention. However there may be those among you who feel I should be punished. If there are, which punishment do you think best suits my crime?
1. Forty lashes with an unsterilized camel whip.
2. Being beaten to death with a large pork chop.
3. Partial crucifixion (to only half my body - the right half of course).4. Being stoned (no, not with drugs - with heavy, pointy things!).
Do you have other options that seem more appropriate given the seriousness of my unintentional crime? Do you think my goldfish, thus named, has a more hopeful destiny? Should I think of a nickname for him or her? Should I go into hiding immediately in case a fatwah has been issued?