Monday, December 03, 2007

Do I Deserve To Be Punished?


Friends, this is my new goldfish. I have named him or her Jesus Yahweh Mahomet Visnu Smythe. The reason I have done this is that, if there is reincarnation or life after death for fish, I want to give my beautiful finned friend the best chance for a successful transition by naming him after certain popular Gods.

Now, in doing this I may have inadvertently offended certain folk (like the English teacher in Sudan). This was not my intention. However there may be those among you who feel I should be punished. If there are, which punishment do you think best suits my crime?

1. Forty lashes with an unsterilized camel whip.

2. Being beaten to death with a large pork chop.

3. Partial crucifixion (to only half my body - the right half of course).

4. Being stoned (no, not with drugs - with heavy, pointy things!).

Do you have other options that seem more appropriate given the seriousness of my unintentional crime? Do you think my goldfish, thus named, has a more hopeful destiny? Should I think of a nickname for him or her? Should I go into hiding immediately in case a fatwah has been issued?

Photo Link.

10 comments:

pissed off patricia said...

I think you are okay with the name, but if you had named him Jesus Christ, Michelle Malkin and BillO would probably be filming your house and bugging you.

Daniel said...

I'm not so sure, Patricia! I thought I heard some strange noises outside my house last night.

If I suddenly go off air, you'll know what happened. Farewell!

Coffee Messiah said...

Ha, ha, the Gods Must Be Crazy? ' (

Daniel said...

It's more likely to be us humans, Coffee!

Big Fella said...

Pray to Jesus, God, Buddha, Allah, Krishna, Britney Spears (Or Whoever You Worship)… that you will not be smote for your blasphemy.

Myself, I'd play it safe and name the little fishy "Orangie". Or is little fishy more of a "Salmony"? Yeah, that's the ticket, his name should be Salmony Fishdie.

Daniel said...

Very clever, Big Fella. Please call again!

enigma4ever said...

well...since said Fishie will eventually go to the Big Toilet Bowl in the Sky....I guess a Swirlie would be appropriate punishment....but since you named her, and not a teddy bear....I think you are okay....and do not need to be punished...such bizarre times- a woman gets punished for being abducted and raped, and is to be violently punished and a woman teaches young children and lets them name God-forbid- a Teddy bear....and she is to be punished for her "crime"......What the????

Maybe the Fishies know what the ????

lovely little fish....may your life be long and full of love and NO cats....

( because here that is what her name would be "Dinner" or "hmmmm, Tasty"....

Lang Mack said...

Sort of looks like Peter Costello and 'Aqua Cat'Gillard's tail is twitching.....:)and therein lays and etc:

Nancy said...

Isn't the fish a symbol of Christ?

Worried American said...

Beautiful fish, Daniel. I think you are safe re: the naming. What's in a name? I congratulate you on your choice of beauty in your home. We need that.

Nancy: as you know, yes the fish was the symbol adopted by early Christians and still used to day by some people.

I harbor a collection of Bettas and admire their beauty. They are like flesh and blood flowers. They do not live very long so replacements come and go. I named one trio Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednigo. One gorgeous Betta was named Melkesidic (spelling?). And yeah, yeah, yeah, there were a couple of blue noses who disapproved of me naming the fishies after Biblical characters. So what!? The fish didn't seem to mind so why should anyone else?

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