Monday, February 19, 2007

HELP! GEORGE AND HIS NEOHUNS ARE AFTER ME.


American friends (the both of you), this may well be my last article. I think I’m on your Leader’s hit-list. My crime? Well, whatever it is, I am totally innocent! Where have you heard that before?

How do I know I’m being targeted? Well two strange birds appeared at my kitchen window yesterday and stared at me. Their eyes were yellow, scary looking. Then one started taking notes, I mean making notes, strange musical notes that sounded like code. The birds were blue and red and white, sort of striped but with strange astral markings, and one wore what looked like a Fedora but it might have just been the way the feathers lay about its head. I looked out the front window. I couldn’t see any dark cars but I thought I heard a siren!

I thought quickly. If stout men appear soon and break down the front door I’ll plead the Fifth Amendment and demand my lawyer be summoned. No, I don’t know his name. Do you have a phone book, I’ll ask them? All right, I won’t plead the Fifth. I’m not American. I come from Australia. What do you mean you’ve never heard of it? No, we don’t wear bloody lederhosen!

Well, I suppose I have offered a few words of criticism concerning George and the NeoHuns here and there over the last few years. Well, alright then, have it your way, a lot more than a few words. But I meant no harm. It was all meant to be constructive criticism. At least most of it was. Well, perhaps describing George as the Village Idiot was going a little too far. But sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. No, I didn’t mean to be unkind to Village Idiots! Honest.

Why did I do it? It’s complicated. In a vision, I saw myself as George’s mentor, albeit an unofficial one. Subtlety, I was trying to help George (who, let’s face it, has some serious shortcomings) adjust to the Executive Trinity: the Commander in Chief, the Decider, AND the Messenger of God. And, dare I add Murderer of Logic and the English Language. No, strike that out.

It’s a lot to ask of one man really. He’s only human. Well, all right then, a semi-divine kind of human. Really! Have it your way then...The President of the United States sits by the right hand of God! Are you happy now? And one that comes from Texas probably sits on God! The Devil made me say it, I swear.

The birds went eventually then a helicopter passed overhead. I ran and hid in some blackberry bushes fearing that the Governor of California might suddenly appear with machine gun blazing and a knife between his teeth. “You haf’ giffen mine Leader a hull’ lodda’ trupble’,” he might growl which wouldn’t be easy on account of the knife. He might end up with a forked tongue, a bit like George. I didn’t say that! The keyboard did, I swear it.

While in the bushes, an ant bit me. I wonder if it was a special ant sent by George, one that had a fatal bite. I captured it in a match box. It bit me three more times for my trouble. But when they did the autopsy on me at least they’d have the cause of death. And the culprit! Daniel, I whispered, you're always thinking ahead. I whispered because the bushes might be bugged!

While I was waiting to die, I thought to myself: Daniel, you’re being silly! George wouldn’t send Arnie all the way to Australia from Californy on your account. He’d just arrange the launch of a missile, dramatically change the whole topography of the area I once lived in, much like he’s changed the topography of many places in the world recently. And, as a good capitalist, he’s single-handedly contributed to a dramatic growth in the world’s undertaking industry. And, selflessly, he’s trying to secure the world’s oil industry for American 4WD drivers and keep both Haliburton and Wall Street afloat.

Or, if a missile was too costly to waste on such an insignificant, ankle-biting person like me, perhaps one of the new Big Brother organizations in America would organize to have me snatched as I was pushing a shopping trolley in the Woolworth’s Supermarket. That would give the neighbours something to talk about. Before I know it I’d be on a nice, free midnight flight to some exotic destination where, in a kind of holiday camp, sadism, whatever that is, is practised at the highest level. There are more confessions there than in the Vatican I believe and more screams than at a rock concert. And drugs are rife too: truth serums in particular.

And after I’ve sung and sung until I’m hoarse, admitted to defiling and raping and murdering most of the women in the world, and men, and animals, and even tax evasion, then I’ll be flown to Cuba, that tropical paradise. I’ll stay in luxury hotel called The Bay of Cages (strange name isn’t it?) where I believe the guests wear free orange jumpsuits and anklets and there are lots of uniformed servants who wear special boots and have large dogs to keep intruders out. Room service brings all meals to your apartment and the lights are kept on all the time. And loud music, hopefully Mozart! And there are special showers called Waterboards. Sounds wonderful...

Finally, I realised that I wasn’t going to die. I squashed the pesky ant and returned to my home and applied some ointment to the bites and scratches.

The birds didn’t come back perhaps figuring that I’d got the message. I have. The hundred candles under George’s colour photograph, the one in the silver and gold frame, glow brightly. My American flag, nearly as big as a tennis court, waves majestically.

After checking out the front for dark cars, with humility and reverence, I bow down and intone:

“George and the NeoHuns are my Shepherds,

For them I shall be happy to know want,

They maketh me lie, downright sure they do,

In deep, deep water…”

P.S. This piece has been crossposted at The Peoples Voice.

9 comments:

Zoe said...

:~) Take a bow!

Zoe xxx

Daniel said...

If only it were really all makebelieve, Zoe. In America it is happening already. If we don't get rid of Howard, then it will happen here soon enough.

If we don't struggle we'll lose our freedom. Cheers. xxxx

No said...

The word paranoia no longer exists anymore...it's real life...very scary indeed...as an American, I am afraid..very afraid..

Coffee Messiah said...

Enjoyed the read, although I'm mighty tired not only hearing about bush, but seeing/hearing him also.

What an embarrassment, and phoney to boot! ; (

Daniel said...

Thanks for confirming my observations about America, NO. It brings me no joy to hear it but reality must be faced. What has amazed me is how many people have expressed the fear that, if they protested, that George would have no hesitation in using brute force against them. That suggests a totalitarian Government!

Coffee, I'm sorry to keep mentioning Bush but he is the number one problem in the world, he along with his greedy mates. What concerns me is that, at the end of his term, he just won't go!

Cheers!

SCOTT said...

Daniel, If Hilliary were to be elected here, we would have 30 years of rule under the Clinton-Bush Families. One is no better than the other, but the Sheep are fooled into thinking so, SELL OUTS all of them, I am a confirmed Anarchist I guess for my belief that the system has to be razed,, not by force but by Consciousness. Most do not realize that the games played by the Elite are as old as time, Savage Rule by Force, Mob, Dictators and Tyrants. Humanity has failed to step up to the plate to demand more from our Leaders. We wish, pray, await the Messiahs, Saviors and Gods to save us, yet they wait in the wings watching the bloodbath that we create daily... Their form of "Reality TV" I guess.
Most of Humanity is still at a very primative level of being, with torture, war and all the ills that go with that just part of the party.
With my life here in America, I pay taxes for deeds that disgust me, and when I say I wish to object concientiously, I am not allowed. They call that Tax Evasion and you get a cell for that ,, but as a Citizen of Earth, I have declared my free Autonomy and decision to 'disconnect' as much as I can from the 'beast' that roams our planet devouring everything in its path.
The only way I think that humans will 'Step up to the plate" is for us to change our consciousness to a place where John Lennon's words from IMAGINE make more sense than the War is Peace propaganda fed to the sheep daily by the likes of CNN and FOX news.
We can only Be the Change we wish to see in the World, so the old New Age adage 'Think Global but act Locally' is a motto well rehearsed in our daily lives.
Disconnect from the Hive and Be the Change with me and we will make a difference. I think you are doing so, thus I come here to read your words, we can't succumb to the weight of the negatives in this battle of minds.
We have to be creative in our 'being'.
Sincerely
Scott

Daniel said...

Trying to be creative in the midst of chaos is a big ask, Scott. I disconnected from the Hive years ago but, in so doing, I probably lost what little influence I had.

I'm not sure that blogging is changing too much but I guess it's better than watching and doing nothing. Thanks for calling.

Cheers.

Coffee Messiah said...

No problem or complaint about your posts!

Generally tired of the idiot people here voted for not once, but twice!

I agree too with Scott. Wholeheartedly.

With the chaos that has ensued with gw, people may finally see/understand what needs to be done.

Daniel said...

Coffee, I'm not so sure that the 'people' are, as a group, capable of anything. I think that, in the main, they prefer to be told what to do rather than to work out things for themselves.

Sheeple is exactly right. And those who aren't sheeple have to live with the frustration and chaos that sheeple and the 'evil ones' cause!

Cheers!

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