THE TEN SHELLS AND A PEA GAME!

Photo Source: CNN.

While watching the parody of news that is Fox News yesterday I was confronted by what appears to be the latest strategy by the Bush Administration to get the American public's mind off Iraq. The answer is simple, almost brilliant: start wars everywhere! If the media have to report on 10 wars every night, then Iraq will get far less coverage and it won't appear to be the enormous political disaster for Bush that it is (the disaster it is for the Iraqis doesn't matter).

To get the ball rolling U.S. forces have begun bombing Somalia under the guise of attacking Islamist terrorists in that country. Predictably, the frightening name Al Quada has been thrown about with gay abandon (of course I use gay in its traditional sense - assuming it still has one). The question in my mind is: where will America strike next? I have a few ideas.

What about bombing Venezuala and giving Hugo a bit of a shake-up? His popularity is in inverse proportion to that of Bush and that will never do. Can't let the peasants get above their station, upset the current World Order, which is determined by America, can we?

Then the Mexicans have been troublesome of late, what with their people invading the U.S. so they can do menial tasks. A few strafing runs over their slums with depleted uranium explosives or cluster bombs could prove newsworthy.

Of course, France has always been disagreeable and Chirac is making lots of noise on the world stage about Palestine (where's that?). A low-yield nuke dropped on Paris will quickly curl a few moustaches, bring those Frogs to their senses. And what of Iran? No, probably not. The Israelis appear to have that situation in hand.

Korea? No, they can fight back! What about Fiji? Of course, why didn't I think of it! It's an ideal place to attack. They have no defences and the Seventh Fleet can just anchor off-shore and go for it while the crew who are not busy scuba dive among the tropical fish. Perhaps you have some ideas...

Anyway, you have been warned! Wars are about to become very, very popular.

But then, they always have been!