Thursday, January 11, 2007

HE'S BIG - I'M SMALL!

My darlings, today, at one o'clock, President Bush is going to make a big announcement, that is if he manages to control his tongue and put his words together properly for a change. But how can a man who can't control his own tongue be allowed to control the world? Regardless, possums, the whole world will hang breathlessly on his every word, words written for him by talented writers employed to make words have many different meanings.

Today the lives of tens of thousands of American people will surely turn in a new and dangerous direction. Then the implications of their actions will have a negative effect on the lives of hundreds of thousands of other people in other lands. It's like a large stone thrown into a tranquil pond: the ripples spread and there is turbulence everywhere.

Today, I would like to make a big announcement too. I'm going to buy a new car. Well, it's not actually a new car, more a newer older car. Now I realise in the scheme of things this is not a big deal. The salesman might initially hang on all my simple but honest words but as soon as he sees the cheque I will cease to exist.

But my life will take a new direction, oh yes! Instead of having to avoid Rogan's Hill because the old car couldn't get up it, I'll be able to sail over it! And the salesman's life will be changed. With the commission cheque he'll be able to buy his mistress, that common peroxide blonde Agnes Fillchamber, a luxurious dinner at MacDonalds.

Of course, there will be repercussions! Oh, yes. Those people who live on Rogans Hill, the uppity ones with lots of money, will say, "Well, look at her. Thinks she's a bit special now does she in her slightly newer antique car? At least this one doesn't leave a blue smoke screen and a trail of spare parts!" And those who have cars older than mine will wash them, give them a polish, blacken the tyres, and overtake me wherever I go.

Yes, today is a day of big and small announcements. But the difference is that mine won't eventually kill large numbers of innocent people, many of them women and children.

Cheerio, Dears! xxxxxxxxxxx

4 comments:

Lucyp said...

You never know he may shock us all and announce his early retirement. He may even apologise for the whole bloody mess.
I think i need to lay down, i am delirious.

iMuslim said...

"Yes, today is a day of big and small announcements. But the difference is that mine won't eventually kill large numbers of innocent people, most of them women and children."

Cars release noxious chemicals into the atmosphere and contribute to global carbon emissions. The older the car is, the more fuel inefficient it is likely to be, which means it will need more petrol to run it, which will eventually contribute to a further drain on natural resources.

Not that this knowledge has stopped me from using the car or other petrol-based forms of transport... but i just thought i'd let you know you're not completely off the hook, Aunty D!

But i agree, Bush's impact on human welfare has been far more catastrophic.

Aunty Danielle said...

Well, what a lovely surprise! Two distinguished visitors. If you were here in person I'd bake some scones, put on the kettle.

Lucy, dear, such wishful thinking as Bush retiring is misplaced. He's a male!

Z...., I hope you don't mind me calling you Z....., my car is a tiny thing, rather like a pram with a motor. If it was any smaller I'd have to sit on the roof!

But I do take your point. When folk went to school on a horse it was much nicer and besides, their generous offerings were good for the tomatoes!

Cheerio! xxxxxxxxx

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