Friday, December 29, 2006


Photo: Reuters.

Women scientists at a prestigious Asian University put the finishing touches to the first human robot that is capable of reproducing itself. It has been thirty years in the making but finally it is ready for testing in the marketplace.

Using advanced electronics, solar power, a wondermetal that actually grows and a superplastic that feels exactly like warm human skin, the robot woman, when dressed appropriately and placed among a crowd, cannot be distinguished from most other women. If you speak to her she will smile, kiss you warmly, and, in a husky voice, invite you over to her place to have a drink. She speak twenty different languages so communication is easy.

But don't get too excited. As you can see, she has all the necessary parts of a female except that, sadly, she doesn't require a male to clumsily inject her with a seed. It is all done within the micro-computer that resides in her cranium. She decides when birth is wanted and, within seconds, the time it takes the average male to penetrate and ejaculate, the deed is done and chemicals within her begin to combine and, without fuss, the robot baby begins to grow.

This robot woman cannot have complications during her three week pregnancy. If something is not quite right it's just a matter of putting in another spare part with a screwdriver. Birthing is automatic and takes 15 seconds. The robot woman can be back at her desk or vacuum cleaner within ten minutes. Lay the baby in the sun and it will grow until it reaches full size.

One of the scientists said that she hoped that most uncertainties and frailties associated with humans would soon be a thing of the past. "Of course men will become redundant, then, like dinosaurs, extinct. We'll create a perfect world of perfect robot women who will look after us females who will, if we desire it, reproduce ourselves with frozen sperm. There'll be no more war. Each robot will be passive, peaceful, non-polluting, and, unlike us, live forever."

"Won't men be displeased?" I asked timidly.

"Probably. Who cares!" she replied curtly. "What a silly question! It's evolution."