THE SECULAR STATE? GUARANTEED!

There is great commotion in Turkey currently with protests from some of its citizens about an attempt by Islamists to introduce religion into the secular state. Heaven forbid! All of Europe is up in arms and there are threats to stop Turkey from joining the E.U. What a storm in a teacup!

In America, that secular land of the free and the home of the brave, the great dictator President George W Bush, a man who puts Castro to shame, a man who is the most powerful person in the cosmos, the creme de la creme of despots, a man who governs absolutely even though the Democrats hold both Houses, has managed to fuse religion and the secular state into one without really trying, without anyone even noticing!

Saint George (shown above thanks to Google Images) as He will eventually be called, has brought His born-again religious convictions with Him to the White House. Hallelujah! He has infused every warmongering, depleted uranium-using, civilian-slaughtering, oil-grabbing policy of His Administration with pious religious overtones. The Holy Ghost walks every corridor of the W.H. along with most of the world's religious-right Fundamentalists, Praise the Lord! Prayer meetings laced with fervour are as common as treachery, share transactions, contract-awarding to Halliburton, and invasion-planning in the Oval Office. There is even a special physiotherapist who tends to those that find prolonged prayer-filled bowing creates back and knee problems.

Some of the W.H. staff complain that their eyes are closed so often in prayer they tend to stick together. The maintenance staff at the W.H. are worried that the air-conditioners cannot handle the amount of exhortations that daily fill each room, exhortations like, "May you guide our nuclear missiles unerringly to their nuclear facilities, Oh Lord, so that they vapourise uncountable numbers of Thine enemies, the camel-riding, Iranian heathens," and, "Help us, Oh God, to secure enough oil to keep our blessed turbo-charged, 4WDs arunning...er, to do Your work." The security staff are worried by the number of false alarms that ring as various spiritual entities with large wingspans fly around the smaller rooms plucking on harps, flinging invisible palm leaves, and crying out, "Hosannas."

And then there is the hot-line to God which is in danger of catching fire as St George calls in almost hourly for His latest orders although it seems there is some question as to whether He is getting the orders or giving them. Apparently negotiations are underway as to whether St George, after He swaggers up the Golden Stairway to a chorus gustily sung by the Southern Baptist Rapturist Choir, will sit on the right or the left hand of God. Or will eventually replace God!

Yes, friends, the secular state, even if it's run by God-fearing, hymn-singing, small-minded, bigoted, religious zealots like St George and St Olmert and St Tony and St John, etc, is safe. Be assured, there is no possibility of overlap between deranged personal religious belief and rational political decision-making. Absolutely none. Where DID you get that silly idea from?

Your guarantee? It's forbidden in the secular Constitution (he breaks into uncontrollable laughter)!