Possums, I'm all a dither. Danny has asked me to make my first post! He suggested it be about New Year Resolutions and it just so happens I've already made a partial list as I do each year.
I read his post and, well, poor Danny, he's always so serious. Even when he was a little boy, like a cherub he was, he was questioning the existence of God and asking me all manner of things that I couldn't answer: about why some people were starving while others ate at the Workers Club and why so many people hate each other. Of course, as a good Aunty, I gave him the Bible to read and told him all the answers were there, but only for Protestants.
Anyway, this is not about him, it's about me! I have six resolutions thus far, dears:
1. To worship John Howard more reverentially and clean his colour photograph more often. I do wonder if he's not Jesus returned to earth but I'm still waiting to see him walking on water.
2. I resolve not to cheat anymore than I have to at Bingo. It's a little flaw in my otherwise unblemished character but the Devil makes me do it, over and over! Well, someone has to win so why not me?
3. Never again will I become involved in romance with anyone whose first name starts with 'N'. I've never liked the letter anyway because if you turn it back the front it still looks the same so it can't be trusted, like all men, even my Arnold! And if you turn it on its side it says "Z" which is the Devil's letter my mother always said.
4. I'm going to stop drinking port! Immediately. Look, I know I'm just having a little sip as I type, to settle my nerves, but you can't rush into these things. You wouldn't want me to get serious withdrawal symptoms, suffer terrible nightmares or the sweats, would you?
5. When the Jehovahs Witnesses come to the door I won't throw a bucket of dishwater over them anymore. It's really not very Christian. I'll just tell them my blood, chicken liver, frog's eyes and batwing soup is boiling over and I really must go!
6. I resolve not to gossip. My friend Mabel is a terrible gossip especially when she gets a letter from her ex-husband. I never liked him of course. His eyes were too close together and, like all little men, he was nasty. Once he tried to come onto me while I was pruning the ros... I resolve not to gossip! I resolve not to gossip! I res...
Good luck with your lists, Dears! xxxxxxxxxxx
P.S. Danny has allowed me to have some comments. No silly stuff now, Possums. You know what Scorpios are like!