Monday, January 01, 2007

I LOVE NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS!


Possums, I'm all a dither. Danny has asked me to make my first post! He suggested it be about New Year Resolutions and it just so happens I've already made a partial list as I do each year.

I read his post and, well, poor Danny, he's always so serious. Even when he was a little boy, like a cherub he was, he was questioning the existence of God and asking me all manner of things that I couldn't answer: about why some people were starving while others ate at the Workers Club and why so many people hate each other. Of course, as a good Aunty, I gave him the Bible to read and told him all the answers were there, but only for Protestants.

Anyway, this is not about him, it's about me! I have six resolutions thus far, dears:

1. To worship John Howard more reverentially and clean his colour photograph more often. I do wonder if he's not Jesus returned to earth but I'm still waiting to see him walking on water.

2. I resolve not to cheat anymore than I have to at Bingo. It's a little flaw in my otherwise unblemished character but the Devil makes me do it, over and over! Well, someone has to win so why not me?

3. Never again will I become involved in romance with anyone whose first name starts with 'N'. I've never liked the letter anyway because if you turn it back the front it still looks the same so it can't be trusted, like all men, even my Arnold! And if you turn it on its side it says "Z" which is the Devil's letter my mother always said.

4. I'm going to stop drinking port! Immediately. Look, I know I'm just having a little sip as I type, to settle my nerves, but you can't rush into these things. You wouldn't want me to get serious withdrawal symptoms, suffer terrible nightmares or the sweats, would you?

5. When the Jehovahs Witnesses come to the door I won't throw a bucket of dishwater over them anymore. It's really not very Christian. I'll just tell them my blood, chicken liver, frog's eyes and batwing soup is boiling over and I really must go!

6. I resolve not to gossip. My friend Mabel is a terrible gossip especially when she gets a letter from her ex-husband. I never liked him of course. His eyes were too close together and, like all little men, he was nasty. Once he tried to come onto me while I was pruning the ros... I resolve not to gossip! I resolve not to gossip! I res...

Good luck with your lists, Dears! xxxxxxxxxxx

P.S. Danny has allowed me to have some comments. No silly stuff now, Possums. You know what Scorpios are like!

7 comments:

Zoe said...

Hi Aunty Danielle! Lovely to meet you. Very common sense resolutions,indeed! I'm not too certain about the first one though....Worshiping Howie may possibly turn out like making a pact with the devil, tempt you with a delicious apple and then once you take a bite, cast you out of the garden??

Devil tactics that man has, I say!

I have been trying to log onto SSU the past few days but have been having trouble, I wonder if you could,please,let Dan know that I'm still reading and hopefully the problem will be resolved soon. Thanks Aunty Danielle.

Happy New Year to you both.
Zoe xxx
P.s. hmm...Not good about my name starting with the devils letter either!

Zoe said...

Oh I forgot! I left my best wishes to Dan on my blog!

Cheerio!

Aunty Danielle said...

Dear, dear, Zoe. Danny has told me about you. You're one of the nice people from his other blog. Poor Danny, he really finds it difficult to deal with nasty folk but me, I'm much tougher! Kick 'em in the nuts, I say, metafactually speaking! Sorry dear! I'll pass your message onto him.

Don't worry about the Devil's letter, my sweet. My mum was right about most things but not everything. She said that kissing got you pregnant but I found out it's water that's not boiled properly!

Bye for now! xxxxxxx

Lucyp said...

I completely agree that the throwing of cold water over Jehovah Witnesses is not very nice. It should be at least luke warm.
All the best for new year to yourself ,your nephew and Seeking Utopia.

Aunty Danielle said...

Welcome, Lucyp! I wash up so often that the water is usually warm.

I told Danny about your nice comment and, I have to say, I've never seen him so happy since he won the November chook raffle at the Workers Club! I think he thinks you're special!

I'm going to visit your blog soon so be on your best behaviour, dear. Nothing too saucy, now!

By the way, do you know any nice men? Is there such a thing? Cheerio!

Lucyp said...

There is that gorgeous Mr Clooney but i fear it would be pistols at dawn if you stole him away from me.

Aunty Danielle. said...

Mr Clooney is too young for me, Dear, so you are safe. These young men are too impetuous, things are usually over before they get started. Besides, they have roving eyes.

Now Sean Connery is a different matter. Do you know his phone number?

Cheerio!

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